My mother didn't want to drink with me that night. And a part of me died.

The next morning, I woke up not myself, or at least, not the person that had gone to bed. We were something different.

We tried to tell her, and she didn't know what to do with us. It must have been scary for her. Your child saying that they aren't your child anymore but some stranger, trapped in your child's body.

She texted.

“If you're under my roof, you follow my rules. If you don't like it, there's the door.”

So we left.

We didn't come back.

-

I've since come to terms with the notion of being Plural. It doesn't affect me nearly as much as it once did, although that comes with time and comfortability in oneself and several medications. I am "me" most of the time, and can distinguish between the others. We have pretty good communication. It borders on fun, some days.

But at the time, when I wrote "HAPPY" in my room at the homeless youth facility, using chords borrowed from the beginning of the verse of "Fill Me Up, Buttercup", I wasn't "me" a lot of the time.

"I don't know who I am

And I don't really care

Cus I get nice and dizzy

When I'm choking on air"

I was an alcoholic, barely off of benzos, digging out half-smoked cigarettes from those metal butt bins to roll the tobacco out of and try to fashion myself a durry.

So much of me wanted to give up. At least, the me that was most consistent at t he time wanted to give up. The rest wouodnt let me. Even dobbed me in to the staff at the place we were at to get my balcony doors locked. Just in case.

There were waves of anguish and despair, and this song, at the time just called "The Happiest Song", was written in one of those moments. I felt so disconnected from my culture, from any support networks, from my very sense of self, like there couldn't be any hope at all.

"I don't feel I have any family or friends

And I probably wouldn't mind if my life were to end

But I'm trying to think on the bright side of life

So I guess I'll just go out and get real drunk tonight"

But I also remember very distinctly, a moment before I got into the temporary shelter, when I was properly on the streets, walking in the city in one of the side streets between Currie and Hindley, where a huge flock of birds flew over head and turned the sky near black, just for a second or two.

For some reason, I thought that was so beautiful, so inspirational, so awe-inspiring, that I had to keep going.

I'm so glad I stuck it out. WE stuck it out. Someday, we'll do an album together.

In the meantime, the single "HAPPY" is about to be released and the album "Take Your Meds" drops on the 2nd of April, 2025.